-doza:

Done pretending, done with putting up a dumb front. Not as strong as I portray myself to be. Not so confident with all the hurtful things being said, clearly they’re said in order to make myself feel better and to look less vulnerable. Saying things to make me less rock bottom and seem fine on my own. Truth is- I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know how I got here. I don’t know. I’m clueless. It’s completely most definitely unexplainable. Acting out and doing things out of anger and disbelief. I guess I just never imagined things to go this way. I never imagined for things to get this far out. In my head things are still what they used to be. I still have a mental image that nothing has changed and everything is fine. I keep telling myself things will go back to normal, but the truth that I’ve been in denial from for so long now is that, they probably won’t. Nothing will probably be “normal” again. And that’s what scares me.