We all have something we’re afraid of, whether it’s spiders or heights or clowns etc. Then there’s those fears that are deeper. The fear of being alone or failing… Today I was thinking about my life currently and the situation I got myself in. And I had an epiphany, my biggest fear is not being enough. Not being good enough. I feel like all my life I haven’t been good enough for anything. When I was younger I always felt like I was never good enough for my dad. He’d always doubt me and put me down for everything I did. Him and my sister would constantly remind me about my weight. I used to hate eating in front of my dad in fear he would say something about what I’m eating or my weight. I would barrow my sister’s clothes and she’d come home and yell at me for streching them out bc I was “too fat”. I wonder where my weight issues came from? Then there’s school. School was the worst. Constantly being compared to all the other girls. I always felt I wasn’t pretty enough, tall enough, smart enough. My insecurities ate me alive. The only thing that really kept me sane were my friends and their consistent love, yet sometimes I even felt that I wasn’t even enough for them… Sometimes I felt as if they didn’t appreciate the person I was and what I’d do for them. Then there’s him. The one boy I gave my everything to. The one boy I’ve been down for when no one else was. I change who I was to be with him. Everything I said I’d never do, I did. I became the girl I never wanted to be because I thought it’d make him stay. It’s been 8 months of me showing him nothing but love and it still isn’t enough for him to want to be with me. it’s not enough, it’ll never be enough. And I’m tired of it. I’m so fucking tired of it. And I’ve realize I’ve given everyone my all. Because of my fear of not being enough I’ve always given everything I do and everyone I know all that I can give and for that I think I always expect that back, which isn’t fair. I guess I needa grow up a little more and realize not everyone has the same good intensions as I do. I think I just needa stop expecting the good in everyone because when it comes down to it, not everyone is. But I’ll always have good intensions even if it means wasting them on people who don’t deserve them. Do I make sense? Or did I just contradict myself? Lol fuck. I’m tired aha