We all have something we’re afraid of, whether it’s spiders or heights or clowns etc. Then there’s those fears that are deeper. The fear of being alone or failing… Today I was thinking about my life currently and the situation I got myself in. And I had an epiphany, my biggest fear is not being enough. Not being good enough. I feel like all my life I haven’t been good enough for anything. When I was younger I always felt like I was never good enough for my dad. He’d always doubt me and put me down for everything I did. Him and my sister would constantly remind me about my weight. I used to hate eating in front of my dad in fear he would say something about what I’m eating or my weight. I would barrow my sister’s clothes and she’d come home and yell at me for streching them out bc I was “too fat”. I wonder where my weight issues came from? Then there’s school. School was the worst. Constantly being compared to all the other girls. I always felt I wasn’t pretty enough, tall enough, smart enough. My insecurities ate me alive. The only thing that really kept me sane were my friends and their consistent love, yet sometimes I even felt that I wasn’t even enough for them… Sometimes I felt as if they didn’t appreciate the person I was and what I’d do for them. Then there’s him. The one boy I gave my everything to. The one boy I’ve been down for when no one else was. I change who I was to be with him. Everything I said I’d never do, I did. I became the girl I never wanted to be because I thought it’d make him stay. It’s been 8 months of me showing him nothing but love and it still isn’t enough for him to want to be with me. it’s not enough, it’ll never be enough. And I’m tired of it. I’m so fucking tired of it. And I’ve realize I’ve given everyone my all. Because of my fear of not being enough I’ve always given everything I do and everyone I know all that I can give and for that I think I always expect that back, which isn’t fair. I guess I needa grow up a little more and realize not everyone has the same good intensions as I do. I think I just needa stop expecting the good in everyone because when it comes down to it, not everyone is. But I’ll always have good intensions even if it means wasting them on people who don’t deserve them. Do I make sense? Or did I just contradict myself? Lol fuck. I’m tired aha

inmycitysittingpretty:

Do you remember those nights/days where you’d just cuddle because it was the thing to do at the right moment, right time. You use to not care but live in the moment because tomorrow didn’t matter. As long as time wasn’t wasted at the moment you could careless. Laying down beside each other,…

honestly, I’m super jealous of my best friends and their relationships=T They always seem so happy, and I wish i had that. I thought i had that. I did have that for a while but of course nothing in my life is consistent & things in my life never last sigghhh* BUT I know good things come to those who wait… And I’ll continue to wait, just needa stay patient. I deserve someone who’s going to appreciate me and everything I do. #truethat

I feel like I’m holding back a lot because I’ve been hurt so much before. I wanna give it my all but based on my past, everytime I have, I’ve gotten hurt. Its like once you’ve been hurt, you’re so scared to get attached again, like you have this fear that every person you start to like is going to break your heart. I’ve put myself in that position one too many times & I’m learning from my mistakes. Honestly though, I’m scared as hell. I’m still hurting and I want what’s going on w/ us to show me that not all guys are like that. I mean I know that they aren’t but I want him to prove it. Show me that this is worth something. I’m just done with being so unhappy but when I am ,happy, I get extremely paranoid because I know something wrong is going to happen…& I’m actually really happy when I’m w/ him or when I think of him. I have to actively stop myself from thinking of him sometimes because I don’t wanna over think and jinx everything. so my fingers are crossed & hoping my luck changes. It kinda sucks that that’s my mentality=T but what can you do…